December Recs | Miscarriage, Grief, + Christmas
We have this hope like a thread of gold against the inky black.
My little white candle flickered before my eyes as I joined my voice with the congregation. I watched the wax slowly glide down toward my fingers and sang,
“Silent night! Holy night!
All is calm, all is bright
’round yon virgin mother and child!
Holy infant, so tender and mild,
sleep in heavenly peace,
sleep in heavenly peace.”
My heart was pricked as I thought of Mary’s round belly and looked down at the flatness of my own stomach. A stomach that would have been 8 months pregnant, or 2 months pregnant, depending on which baby had survived. But neither of those babies did survive. Both of them were gone.
I’ve thought about the hollow feeling that miscarriage produces so many times since then—how it leaves you feeling like you have a gaping hole in your abdomen where your baby used to be. A hole no one else seems to notice. Labor that ends in empty arms is a harrowing grief.
That Christmas was the first time I had truly grasped the gravity of the incarnation of the Christ. For the first time in my life, I was desperately aware of the vulnerability of a mother’s womb. That my God not only took on flesh, but willingly nestled himself in that dark, hidden place astounded me. My womb felt like a graveyard, but my Savior grew in Mary’s womb, born to crush death. And crush it he did.
No one understands the vulnerability of a mother’s womb like a woman who has felt the life of her child fade from within. We still feel the sting of death in the here and now. But the incarnation of Christ as well as his death on the cross and his resurrection means we still have hope. One day, “when the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: ‘Death is swallowed up in victory.’ ‘O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?’” (1 Corinthians 15:54-55). The sting will flee. All will be made right.
The God who created us was knitted together in a womb, birthed into this dark world, nailed to a cross, taking upon himself all our sin and grief, and was raised from the dead. The light of life has come; we have this hope like a thread of gold against the inky black.
“O come, O Bright and Morning Star,
and bring us comfort from afar!
Dispel the shadows of the night
and turn our darkness into light.”
—Brittany
These words though:
“I am throwing all my good works overboard, and lashing myself to the plank of free grace; for I hope to swim to glory on it.” —Charles Spurgeon
Q: It’s my first Christmas after a miscarriage earlier this year and I’m finding it hard to celebrate. Any tips?
I remember how hard the holidays are when you are grieving your baby. The reminders of your loss surround you. So many dreams you might have had have been shattered. Plus, family may not understand, and that can make you feel isolated. The would be’s and should be’s abound. It makes sense that those who have lost a baby would be struggling to celebrate. My biggest “tip” for lack of a better word would be to ponder what the incarnation means for you, in your circumstances. How Jesus came to conquer the very gut-wrenching reality of the death of your baby. He came to earth for you. To save you, of course, but also to give you hope and peace even as you grieve. And you are free to grieve your baby. You’re free to weep on Christmas morning, knowing Jesus weeps with you. He loves you, sister.
Got a question about something? Whether it’s about theology, gardening, flowers, motherhood, writing, miscarriage, marriage, chronic illness, or anything in between, I’d love to answer one or two in my next newsletter. Just click on the button below and shoot me a message.
Recent Articles + Poems:
The Baby Who Came to Annihilate Death on Gospel-Centered Discipleship
The Diagnosis and the Cure on Substack
What is Tragedy’s Size? on Substack
Boots on Substack
From the Archives:
Recall God’s Transformation of You on the blog
Books I Finished:
You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith (*Language warning)
The Toxic War on Masculinity by Nancy R. Pearcey
The Egyptian Antiquities Murder by Sara Rosett
The Wolf in Their Pockets by Chris Martin
Cultural Counterfeits by Jen Oshman
What Did the Cross Achieve? by J.I. Packer
You’re Only Human by Kelly M. Kapic
Current Reads:
Remaking the World by Andrew Wilson
The Maid by Nita Prose
Help for the Hungry Soul by Kristen Wetherell
Growing Together by Melissa Kruger
Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker
The Lake House by Kate Morton
The Lord is My Courage by K.J. Ramsey
Counterfeit Kingdom by Holly Pivec
God is Still Good by Katie Faris
The Soul in Paraphrase by Leland Ryken
Into His Presence by Tim Chester
The Son of David by Nancy Guthrie
Hey, Here's What I Recommend:
Book: The Toxic War on Masculinity by Nancy R. Pearcey was so insightful! Definitely a needed read in our current culture.
Children’s Book: This is one of William’s (18 months) favorite books right now.
Song: Though You Slay Me by Shane and Shane. This was played recently at a memorial service we attended for a baby boy and I was taken back to the many times I listened to it and wept over my own babies.
Articles, Poems, and Essays I Liked:
Put Away Childish Narcissism by Jen Wilkin
It Was Not a Silent Night by Lara d’Entremont
Authority is Good For You by Erin Shaw
What I’m loving lately (some affiliate links):
- You guys. After trying somewhere between 15-20 pairs of jeans since my youngest was born, I have finally found a pair I love! Everything you’ve heard about the Levi’s Wedgie Straight Jean is true. They are so flattering. I bought the Fall Star-Medium Indigo and the Bridge of Bellflower washes.
- I needed a pair of fleece leggings for my morning walks and now I just live in these ones.
- Looking forward to trying this holiday punch at our first Christmas gatheringFriday night.
- This 30-Minute One-Pan Chicken Orzo was so yummy! I swapped out the heavy cream with a plant-based alternative.
Life Lately:
If you didn’t know, we have been on a journey with Theo to figure out what has been making him so sick at night. Last week, he bravely had an upper scope where we discovered he has inflammation and a few tiny ulcers in his stomach and small intestine. I’m so sad to know how much pain he must be in every day. But I’m thankful we have a plan. Praying for healing over his little belly.
A squinty-eyed picture of me and my favorite guy. We got away to do some Christmas shopping and eat tacos last weekend.
William was all cheesy smiles over the snow. Big fan.
Speaking of William, he’s 18 months now and a total daredevil. This was him doing flips over the nugget. Send help.
May you treasure Christ ever more. <3
Brittany Lee
This is very poignant, “how it leaves you feeling like you have a gaping hole in your abdomen where your baby used to be. A hole no one else seems to notice. Labor that ends in empty arms is a harrowing grief.”
Thanks for sharing.
Just wait until they’re doing things like jumping off a top bunk bed 😂 And thank you for sharing my Christmas piece! 💛