This is Why I’m Afraid to Cry at Church
An ode to all whose tears put them on trial
Article voiceover
I almost let them slip—
my tears,
The quivering lip
and wavering voice.
When melodies sung to my God
wrought about joy
so deep,
abiding,
rich.
I closed my mouth.
Jaw like a dam,
holding back a river of emotion.
Why?
Once upon a wretched time
I lost three babies in a year.
Put on trial
for my tears.
“Come as you are.”
But only if you’re happy.
This is why I beg you,
plead with you,
to let grievers grieve.
This is why
I’m afraid to cry
at church.
I once had a young woman ask me how I was doing one Sunday morning. I was a wreck because I was going through a fierce trial. So I told her all that was in my heart. She replied, "Oh! I didn't really want to know all that. I was just being polite." It stung my already wounded heart, but I smiled and went on. Father forgive her, she knows not what she does, I prayed. When she weeps I weep with her. She is my imperfect sister. And now I ask people if they actually want to bear my burdens with me or if they just want to make polite conversation. Some people don't know suffering yet and don't know how to bear it. Keep giving your heart to Christ and writing so that it may give grace to those who hear.
OOOFFFF. There is so much truth in this. Our church’s new slogan is “You Belong Here” and then on Divine Mercy Sunday our deacon gave a homily that essentially said “There is no excuse to not be here. It’s our job to break through the shell keeping of the people who have abandoned their faith and I can’t imagine why anyone would not want to be at mass.” I still get ragey just thinking about it.