Forces I Cannot Touch

a page from the diary of a mom of two boys

It’s instinctive for you
to chase bees with branches,
to crash your cars, and to—
apparently—
drop a lamp on the ground to see what will happen.

It just so happens
that danger is like that friend you play with
who runs when you get hurt.

But I’m here,
to wipe your tears,
to hold you close, and to—
occasionally—
kiss your toes even when they stink.

“They’re out of control!”
I complain to my husband. But
what I really mean is
they are out of my control.

Because you are wild as the wind
and not to be tamed.
And what scares me is there are
“forces I cannot touch.”

I know they’re after you—
the world,
the evil one, and—
hatefully—
the sin that ensnares.
Forces I cannot touch.

I want you to be free to be all boy,
to wrestle each other,
to roll in the mud, and to—
excitedly—
jump from high places that make my heart stop.

And I also want you to be all God’s.
To love him,
to serve him, and to—
fervently—
obey his commandments even when it’s hard.

One of you was angry the other day.
I asked if you wanted a hug and
you melted into my arms and sobbed.
Anger is a desire for love in disguise.

And I love you both.
Like Paul with the Jews¹, I would give up my place in heaven
for you. I would
die so that you could live.

I cannot make you believe, for you are
two forces I cannot touch,
two mischief-making boys, and two—
harrowingly—
souls that are lost.

But I know a God who knows exactly what to do with
forces I cannot touch.

"To those who have had no agony Jesus says, 'I have nothing for you; stand on your own feet, square your own shoulders. I have come for the man who knows he has a bigger handful than he can cope with, who knows there are forces he cannot touch; I will do everything for him if he will let Me. Only let a man grant he needs it, and I will do it for him.'" — Oswald Chambers, in The Shadow of Agony

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1. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. (Romans 9:3)