Left a congregation in 2010 after a prolonged disagreement on how leaders should address divisiveness in the body.
I was an Elder and so knew immediately when leaving was imminent. My name became anathema within the congregation with just a few “supporters” contacting me after we left.
My wife worked in the church office—for the senior pastor—and the break was difficult and devastating for her (she remained in her job for six months after we were no longer attending).
This episode forever changed my view of church and leaders in particular. Had I been a few years younger in my faith, I might have been one who wrote-off “christianity” for good.
With so many years gone by, there were good lessons to learn about what happened. I had to shoulder more of my responsibility for the departure and slowly forgive those I viewed quite harshly at the time.
Even that process has been difficult because I vehemently disagree with the leadership position in the matter even today.
I believe you could refer to me as one who enters the church doors with eyes wide open at this point in my walk.
Well, I was right to think I'd feel a lot of things with this piece! Our final Sunday in our long-time church was in Oct. 2017. It was a huge blow. We've been at our current church for two years and we still can't bring ourselves to become members. And even after all this time and all the awfulness...I STILL LOVE OUR FORMER CHURCH!
That it is! With ours, I lost my best friend and pastor (also my friend) because they're married to each other and our church fired them (NOT a moral failing...indicative of the church). They moved to another state. So every time I miss them, which is often, I think about what should be and what actually is.
This is my story. We had to leave our church abruptly last year, just before the holidays. My grief was overwhelming. We are now settled in a healthier church and new relationships are slowly bringing healing, but it is hard to trust again.
I truly believe oftentimes the pain of leaving a church is overlooked or minimized. I appreciate you writing with such understanding, love and hope. Thank you.
It is painful. We have left a few churches due to moves and when brought back to the same area couldn’t go back to those churches due to our change in beliefs. Thank you for sharing. The church is just a foretaste of heaven.
Someday I'd like to hear what "issues" cause someone to leave a church in a more specific way. I know people in your former church who stayed and the abandonment they felt. I am currently going through some things in the church I attend so I am not unsympathetic. I tend to hold to a Benedictine spirituality in which members of a religious group do not wander from place to place looking for something better, but adopt the virtue of stability and stay in place and work for charity, consensus and forgiveness.
I love that virtue of stability! What a wonderful trait. And yet, there are times when there are such heartbreaking and concerning things going on behind the scenes that after doing everything in your power to stay for years, you finally realize the patterns are continuing and it’s time to go. We are certainly not church hoppers. We were at our previous church for 10+ years and pray we’ll be at our current church for many more than that. The reason I do not share more openly about the details is because I still want what’s best for the elders and the church we left. I pray they would prosper, repent where necessary, and continue to make disciples. I love the sweet people who still attend there. It breaks my heart to hear they feel abandoned. I think maybe they would be wise to ask God if they had any part in that. I also don’t owe answers about what happened to us to anyone. Those closest to me know the full story. I hope you can understand that.
Left a congregation in 2010 after a prolonged disagreement on how leaders should address divisiveness in the body.
I was an Elder and so knew immediately when leaving was imminent. My name became anathema within the congregation with just a few “supporters” contacting me after we left.
My wife worked in the church office—for the senior pastor—and the break was difficult and devastating for her (she remained in her job for six months after we were no longer attending).
This episode forever changed my view of church and leaders in particular. Had I been a few years younger in my faith, I might have been one who wrote-off “christianity” for good.
With so many years gone by, there were good lessons to learn about what happened. I had to shoulder more of my responsibility for the departure and slowly forgive those I viewed quite harshly at the time.
Even that process has been difficult because I vehemently disagree with the leadership position in the matter even today.
I believe you could refer to me as one who enters the church doors with eyes wide open at this point in my walk.
Great article.
I’m sorry that happened. But I’m thankful that you shared. It gives me and others hope that good can come from these things.
Well, I was right to think I'd feel a lot of things with this piece! Our final Sunday in our long-time church was in Oct. 2017. It was a huge blow. We've been at our current church for two years and we still can't bring ourselves to become members. And even after all this time and all the awfulness...I STILL LOVE OUR FORMER CHURCH!
It’s such a long and painful journey. 💔
That it is! With ours, I lost my best friend and pastor (also my friend) because they're married to each other and our church fired them (NOT a moral failing...indicative of the church). They moved to another state. So every time I miss them, which is often, I think about what should be and what actually is.
This is my story. We had to leave our church abruptly last year, just before the holidays. My grief was overwhelming. We are now settled in a healthier church and new relationships are slowly bringing healing, but it is hard to trust again.
Right here in the boat with you, Andrea. It’s a slow, painful journey. Thankful for our Good Shepherd who is leading us. ❤️
I truly believe oftentimes the pain of leaving a church is overlooked or minimized. I appreciate you writing with such understanding, love and hope. Thank you.
I think it is too. Often because many are demonized for leaving a church even when there are real issues.
It is painful. We have left a few churches due to moves and when brought back to the same area couldn’t go back to those churches due to our change in beliefs. Thank you for sharing. The church is just a foretaste of heaven.
That last sentence 🙌🏼
great post, thank you for sharing
We need to judge our church that we are part of, that is part of the job we have :
And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
(Matt 24:4-5)
Someday I'd like to hear what "issues" cause someone to leave a church in a more specific way. I know people in your former church who stayed and the abandonment they felt. I am currently going through some things in the church I attend so I am not unsympathetic. I tend to hold to a Benedictine spirituality in which members of a religious group do not wander from place to place looking for something better, but adopt the virtue of stability and stay in place and work for charity, consensus and forgiveness.
I love that virtue of stability! What a wonderful trait. And yet, there are times when there are such heartbreaking and concerning things going on behind the scenes that after doing everything in your power to stay for years, you finally realize the patterns are continuing and it’s time to go. We are certainly not church hoppers. We were at our previous church for 10+ years and pray we’ll be at our current church for many more than that. The reason I do not share more openly about the details is because I still want what’s best for the elders and the church we left. I pray they would prosper, repent where necessary, and continue to make disciples. I love the sweet people who still attend there. It breaks my heart to hear they feel abandoned. I think maybe they would be wise to ask God if they had any part in that. I also don’t owe answers about what happened to us to anyone. Those closest to me know the full story. I hope you can understand that.
To clarify: by they I mean the elders would be wise to pray about their part in the fact that so many have left.