Thank you so much for taking the time to heal and also for sharing your story in a way that will help others! I'm so sorry you went through this, and I’m so grateful for God’s protection and grace.
I'm with you! Not a progressive, not leaving Christianity, desire to be part of a healthy place, but too wounded and scared to hash it out. I tried in the aftermath, but instead of helped and cared for, I got brushed off, hurt or manipulated, mostly in private, and I just couldn't anymore. I want to see the church flourish, and haven't wanted to inadvertently hurt it or others in the process of telling me story...or damage remaining relationships that hang on by a thread. Your pieces are starting to bolster my courage, so thank you!
Thank you for sharing something that was so deeply painful. I deeply admire your reason for wanting to share it as well. We need more good church stories, and I am so glad to know you are in a healthy church now!
We’re in the same boat. I am not just writing about that but I’ve also experienced spiritual abuse at various churches — but my husband is still pastoring and we’re still trucking along. I just wrote a post a few weeks ago called “Why I love the church.” I’d love to connect more or chat. You’re right that the voices speaking out about it that haven’t left the church entirely are uncommon. I understand why but I’m glad to have found you and to know I’m not alone. :)
I went through significant spiritual abuse by 3 elders who literally tried to convince my husband to shepherd me into forgiveness when the abuser was a continuous abuser and although she'd said "sorry," her abuse hadn't even stopped yet.
I haven't left the church but we did seek refuge and counsel at another church who told me I didn't have to lay down at the foot of my abuser or be reconciled into fellowship if the abuse hadn't stopped.
We need voices like yours to speak up and call out shepherds misusing their positions.
Everybody is different and handles trails and grief differently based on their life history, and to place a blanket on what mature healing looks like is irresponsible & unwise!
Hard stuff. You've taken the time it's needed to heal and get some objectivity on it all. THE BODY NEEDS voices like yours! Godly and Christ-honouring, while still being able to go deep and be real with the emotional side of life. I'm thankful and...have chosen to become a paying subscriber as I so appreciate what you bring to my inbox.
ALSO, fyi, Leslie Vernick is an outstanding and trustworthy voice in the area of women, faith, and emotional / spiritual abuse, I believe. She's written many books and does a lot of work alongside women without putting down the faith, expecting people to abandon, or compromise it. She even helps women learn to stand in the midst of emotionally abusive marriages, for example, while not compromising or suppressing their own God-given dignity. I've found her to be a rare gem.
Oh I will definitely look Leslie up. Thank you so much for pointing me in her direction. And I can't tell you how much it means that you would become a paid subscriber. I am honored. Thank you for reading Naomi. <3
Well done, dear sister. I loved seeing how God has helped you share your experience with grace and wisdom. This was so refreshing to see. I also have felt sad (not judgemental ) for those who have experienced wounds in a church setting and walked away. We live in a culture where the enemy prowls around seeking whom he may devour. Sometimes immature or abusive leaders in churches hurt others. This is tragic. But rather than allowing the enemy to lead you away from His Body, you said it so well—the best place to heal from wounds inflicted by a church is in a healthy church.
You handled this with wisdom and maturity. Taking time to heal before sharing in a more public way means you were able to offer your story from a place that can model for others a path forward.
The tension between exposing spiritual abuse and confessing “I believe in the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints,” is real. I live in that tension as a writer and a counselor, possibly too “anti-church” for some, and too “pro-church” for others. I address this in a lot of my writing, especially on the Gospel of John. Eg, you might be interested in this recent article which discusses the book Invisible Jesus alongside the vision for the church in John’s Gospel: https://open.substack.com/pub/onceaweek/p/nobodys-listening-prophetic-voices?r=16589c&utm_medium=ios.
Thank you so much for taking the time to heal and also for sharing your story in a way that will help others! I'm so sorry you went through this, and I’m so grateful for God’s protection and grace.
Thank you Angela. ❤️
I'm with you! Not a progressive, not leaving Christianity, desire to be part of a healthy place, but too wounded and scared to hash it out. I tried in the aftermath, but instead of helped and cared for, I got brushed off, hurt or manipulated, mostly in private, and I just couldn't anymore. I want to see the church flourish, and haven't wanted to inadvertently hurt it or others in the process of telling me story...or damage remaining relationships that hang on by a thread. Your pieces are starting to bolster my courage, so thank you!
I totally get this. It’s such a balance.
Thank you for sharing something that was so deeply painful. I deeply admire your reason for wanting to share it as well. We need more good church stories, and I am so glad to know you are in a healthy church now!
Thanks Erin. I am so thankful for our new church.
We’re in the same boat. I am not just writing about that but I’ve also experienced spiritual abuse at various churches — but my husband is still pastoring and we’re still trucking along. I just wrote a post a few weeks ago called “Why I love the church.” I’d love to connect more or chat. You’re right that the voices speaking out about it that haven’t left the church entirely are uncommon. I understand why but I’m glad to have found you and to know I’m not alone. :)
Thank you for sharing! I’m so sorry you’ve walked through that. Praise the Lord for sustaining your faith through it all!
Thank you so much for sharing this!
I appreciate it!
I went through significant spiritual abuse by 3 elders who literally tried to convince my husband to shepherd me into forgiveness when the abuser was a continuous abuser and although she'd said "sorry," her abuse hadn't even stopped yet.
I haven't left the church but we did seek refuge and counsel at another church who told me I didn't have to lay down at the foot of my abuser or be reconciled into fellowship if the abuse hadn't stopped.
We need voices like yours to speak up and call out shepherds misusing their positions.
Everybody is different and handles trails and grief differently based on their life history, and to place a blanket on what mature healing looks like is irresponsible & unwise!
I'm glad you're in a good place! 🙏🏻
I’m so sorry for what you’ve experienced. 😔❤️
Bless you, Brittany.
Hard stuff. You've taken the time it's needed to heal and get some objectivity on it all. THE BODY NEEDS voices like yours! Godly and Christ-honouring, while still being able to go deep and be real with the emotional side of life. I'm thankful and...have chosen to become a paying subscriber as I so appreciate what you bring to my inbox.
ALSO, fyi, Leslie Vernick is an outstanding and trustworthy voice in the area of women, faith, and emotional / spiritual abuse, I believe. She's written many books and does a lot of work alongside women without putting down the faith, expecting people to abandon, or compromise it. She even helps women learn to stand in the midst of emotionally abusive marriages, for example, while not compromising or suppressing their own God-given dignity. I've found her to be a rare gem.
Best, nj
Oh I will definitely look Leslie up. Thank you so much for pointing me in her direction. And I can't tell you how much it means that you would become a paid subscriber. I am honored. Thank you for reading Naomi. <3
Well done, dear sister. I loved seeing how God has helped you share your experience with grace and wisdom. This was so refreshing to see. I also have felt sad (not judgemental ) for those who have experienced wounds in a church setting and walked away. We live in a culture where the enemy prowls around seeking whom he may devour. Sometimes immature or abusive leaders in churches hurt others. This is tragic. But rather than allowing the enemy to lead you away from His Body, you said it so well—the best place to heal from wounds inflicted by a church is in a healthy church.
You handled this with wisdom and maturity. Taking time to heal before sharing in a more public way means you were able to offer your story from a place that can model for others a path forward.
Thank you for this encouragement Susan. ❤️
You’re welcome.
The tension between exposing spiritual abuse and confessing “I believe in the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints,” is real. I live in that tension as a writer and a counselor, possibly too “anti-church” for some, and too “pro-church” for others. I address this in a lot of my writing, especially on the Gospel of John. Eg, you might be interested in this recent article which discusses the book Invisible Jesus alongside the vision for the church in John’s Gospel: https://open.substack.com/pub/onceaweek/p/nobodys-listening-prophetic-voices?r=16589c&utm_medium=ios.
Thank you for sharing! I plan to read this at nap time.
Amen. Sunlight: great disinfectant!
Yes! 👏🏼
Thank you for sharing in such a God-honoring way! Be encouraged—I know the Lord will use it for good.
Praying to that end!